For a godly marriage to be enjoyable and thriving, first and foremost as a couple you need to be in agreement that you know where to get the nourishment that you need for this healthy marriage: that is from Abba Father (Daddy God).

Look at the some of the lines from the song All We Need by Charlie Hall

We have all we need in you, and all we need is you.

Rich or poor, God, I want you more than anything that glitters in this world.

Be my all, all-consuming fire.

You can have all my hands can hold, my heart, mind, strength, and soul.

Be my all, all-consuming fire.

The core of a godly marriage lies in the willingness to sacrifice self for what is best for the marriage. The concept lies in Ephesians 5:29: “After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church …” This is a profound mystery, for the context of this verse is found in Paul talking about a couple in marriage. It implies that both are to nourish and cherish this marriage, for neither shall hate being in it. Yes, there most certainly will be times when you wish you were not married, but the question I ask you is, how is your heart positioned? For that verse says: ‘… just as Christ does [nourishes and cherishes] the church.’ Do you cherish the marriage? Do you nourish the marriage?

As long as you ensure that the base foundation is in place, you can happily build your marriage by constantly nourishing and cherishing each other. You need to pray constantly for protection over your marriage, and husbands, you need to take the lead in this. Think about our frailties, he has them and so does she. See them as a backdrop for grace, and see your differences as tools for intimacy, not as threats to your marriage.

Husbands, take note: Paul, in his letter to the Ephesian church, used nine verses to highlight the husband’s role and only three verses to express the wife’s role in the marriage.

It does not matter what functions each spouse fulfils; you need to work that out based upon the strengths and abilities of each. However, those functions play out, the husband must never relinquish his godly responsibility to lead the family.

A cautionary note: Ninety-nine percent of people entering a marriage go into it with the thinking that they are going to change their spouse to what they want them to be.  Ladies, in engaging with multiple couples, the statistics point out that you engage in this practice more than men do. Check your motives; see whether they are in line with God. In my second marriage God gave me a clear instruction: “You are to love Melanie with unconditional love. I will bring about the desired change.” Very early in our marriage God gave me a vision of a closed rose, and slowly the petals opened one by one until the rose was in full bloom. He said this is what I will do with Melanie. I shared that with her, and over the years it has been beautiful to see the rose open.

I encourage all of you to change what you need to change in yourself. This thing that we do in our marriages of wanting to change our spouse to be like this me, has to stop. Do you really want a carbon copy of yourself as your life partner? Seek God constantly for wisdom as to the things you must do to nourish your marriage and thus you should enjoy a fantastic and blessed marriage. In the second episode I talked about how God changed me, and yet still today I find myself making changes to the way I do things as God highlights them to me. Without the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives, this is near impossible to achieve.

Father, we can only come to you and ask for your outpouring of love on our lives so that we may take that unconditional love and pour it out on our spouse. Teach us what real humility is and give us the wisdom and insight we need to make our marriages a God-filled marriage.

Amen.