In this episode we are going to look at the role of the godly husband.

The underwriting concept is one of self-sacrificial love. The example that we as husbands are to follow is that of Jesus. Jesus yielded himself to die on the cross, and in light of that, we as husbands are to yield ourselves to our wives in the same spirit. I believe that ninety percent of us would tackle the lion and the bear to save our wives, but would we be willing to visit her parents for the day and forgo the boy’s barbeque or braai?

This does not mean that our wives are heads of the homes. Jesus is the head of the Church, under submission to God, the Father. Husbands are the head of the home, under submission to Jesus. This is our primary role: to lead the home with grace and humility.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her to make her holy,

cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain

or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives

as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Ephesians 5:25–28 (NIV)

God will hold us accountable for our wives. If we were to grasp the responsibility that God has placed upon us, we would perhaps not be so cavalier in our role as a godly husband.

God expects us to nourish, care, pray, see to our wife’s emotional needs, love her unconditionally, and support and lift her up. On the cover of the book Love and Respect it states: “The Love She Most Desires.” Gentlemen, by working through that book, you will learn how to apply the love that she most desires. At the end, when we stand before Jesus and the Father, I believe the first order of the day will be, “So, how well do you think you did in taking care of my daughter? Can you present her to me as a pure and spotless woman?”

Men I need to say this to you. Many of the wives are better at the accounting side of running a household. It does not mean that if she looks after the finances, you have abdicated your role in leading. Wives if this is the case in your home, you need to understand that at the end of the day you are still under his leadership, and if a tough spending decision is on the table, he has the final say. You have the right to present all the pros and cons, but the call is his. Husbands, you may enjoy cooking, and if you are the primary cook, it does not mean you have taken the lesser role. I come back to the above point. We need to be looking at this from God’s perspective as to roles and functions and not what the world defines them to be.

I generally refer to two types of husbands: those who understand their godly role in everything that that means and those who are functional husbands, not fully understanding the Jesus model, that of sacrificing self.

In my life, my first marriage was characterised by me being a functional husband. I did not swear, abuse my wife, or drink alcohol. I went to church provided for our needs, and I took care of things. Quite honestly, I thought I was doing a fantastic job. That, however, was not the case. I did all the right things, but without understanding Jesus’s sacrificial love; without my heart styled in the way of sacrificial love, I was simply going through the motions of being a husband.

A year after the divorce, God asked me if the time was right for Him to work on my heart, to fix me. I submitted and said, “Yes, God.” The first thing that God wanted me to do was to apologise to Him because I had not fulfilled my role properly, with the biggest failure being that I did not meet her emotional needs. I voluntarily placed myself on God’s ‘operating table’ and asked him to change me. It took about five years, and then I knew that at my very core I had changed; He had done the most amazing miracle I had ever experienced in my life. I understood what sacrificial love is all about and what loving one another is all about.

Every day, I apply God’s love as a primary way of living my life. Less of self, more of Jesus. My wife can testify to the fact that I strive to fulfil my role as a godly husband in every way.

Father, I ask that you bring us to our knees before you. Father, I ask that the husbands that have read this will ask you for forgiveness for the incorrect way that they have treated your daughters. That we will actively seek your heart, as to self-sacrificial love and submission. Father, that we will be constantly seeking your wisdom in leading your daughter, just as your son Jesus leads the church.

Amen.